"What if Elvis was still alive? What if he secretly switched identities with one of his many impersonators to escape the trials and tribulations of superstardom? What if he didn’t really die on a toilet, but lived a long (and reasonably) happy life in a trailer park, eking out a meager living portraying himself? Where would he be now?

Apparently he’d be lying flat on his back worrying about his penis, and waiting for the inevitable at the Shady Rest Convalescent Home in Mud Creek, Texas. Thankfully, he has a friend and confidante, the wheelchair-bound John F. Kennedy. Complicating matters, the home has a serious problem with giant scarab beetles, and an Egyptian mummy that prowls the halls late at night performing indiginties on the hapless residents. Will our two geriatric heroes be able to end this ancient reign of terror?"